My First Day Out Of Jail


I’ve never been in prison, although I have spent a couple of short spells in a police cell. Here I imagine a man being released from gaol after a long stretch ( very long actually , as decimal currency is news to him – just what he did to receive such a stern sentence is never explained).
He’s on the way out of the jail and questions new inmates on just what the “new” world is all about.

“Is Martin Still With Gail?”, and “What became of Jimmy Nail?” are not perhaps the first things I’d want to know, but it takes all sorts.


I had a barrack room lawyer,
Who had tried to defend Toyah,
She’d been up for charges against the State,
They dated back to 1978.

I was charged with homicide and attempting suicide,
But I was fitted up.
I’d been banged up in a cell with a nonce,
That’s just one up from a ponce.

Just what is e-mail?
Is Martin still with Gail?
Do the blind still use Braille?
What became of Jimmy Nail?

It’s my first day out of jail.
I’m getting used to the decimal currency.
I’ve not seen a woman for a quarter of a century.

On the way out of the gates,
I crossed paths with Bill Gates,
He’d just got eighteen months,
For non-payment of water rates.

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